Mathemusics

Frankfurt, the biggest financial center in Europe,has its own cultural beauty:It was where Goethe lived till his death,it has numerous museums as other metropolitans,and the biggest publication exhibition holds there annually.But behind the glory of the richest city in Europe,there is the dark side:the sex industry in Frankfurt ranks number one in Germany in terms of annual revenue. Of course, Hamberg is more prominent for its red light district which ranks number 2 in whole Europe after Amsterdam.However Frankfurt is where the big money is. Althought its RLD sucks as I am going to explain in the following story.

The protagonists of this story are one of my friend and me. To protect his privacy, I can not use Steve's name in this article,so I will just use Z to represent him later.

We arrived in Frankfurt in the late afternoon that day. After a month of cold and rainy weather, Germany finally showed us its warmth,which was a little bit too warm,35'C.That is what I call a Levy process, big jumps.After several hours of wandering about along Mein river, and a heavy meal in a half Japanese half Chineses restraurant,we were very horny. Since Kraisser street,i.e. the RLD, is just within 5 mins walk. We decided to take an advanture there. Also,since we were going to share one room for the night, we needed to assure each other we were still interested only in woman.

But when we arrived there,we found the RLD was surprisingly small,just one block maybe. Togethere with brothels,strip clubs,sex toy shops, one can also find a number of grocery stores and mexican or chinese restaurant,even a furniture shop. That,in my opinion was very unprofessional. Who the heck woul buy a table or sofa form the red light district.Lame.....

As two decent Chinese gentlemen, we thought paying for sex was really beyond our moral standard and also not safe. So we decided to stay away from the brothels.But Hookers lingering about there always wanted to talk to us,more precisely,to Z. Nobody even looked at me.That proved Z was more attractive than me. Oh, yeah, for sure.

After a not-so-thorough search,we were very disappointed by the small scale of the so called RLD. But just when we decided to head back ,an old man stopped us. I thought he was the bouncer of the stripclub right behind him.But he was apparently too old for the job. Maybe a bouncer had to take a break so he arranged his grandpa to take his position for a while. Who knows? However this old fellow was surely very funny. He greete us with "Ni Ho". After he repeated that several times,  I finally figured out that he was not speaking German but Chinese. He also claimed to know Chairman Hu and Prime Minister Wen. Fuck!If he knew these two,then I would be the boyfriend of Angela Merkel.But he was so funny and our curiosity was not satiated,so we decided to give this club a try.

After payment for the admission, a bouncer opened a small gate next to the cashier.Very loud Rock music inside immediately dragged us into this dark room smelling like alcohol,cheap make-up and fragrance.At the center there was a big table with several metal pole erected at the 4 corners.On that table, A thing was shaking slowly. At first I thought it was a cow but later I realized it was in fact a fat naked woman. I was so shocked by the disgusting show that I just wanted to turn back and flee to the other side of the world. However we were not that lucky,2 women out of nowhere suddenly appeared in front of us then dragged the hypnotized us to our seat.

I plopped into the black leather sofa then came back to myself. What I saw was a black fat woman sitting next to me and a blonde fat woman sitting next to Z. First we had to buy a drink for ourselves.Beers of course. In fact that was the only thing I liked about that place at that moment. While we were drinking,they started to talk:
"What's your name,sir?"
"James,"I always tell female stranger that and if they ask my last name,I would say"Stock,James Stock". However I seldom have that pleasure and this one was no exception.
"Nice to meet you James,My name is Blablabla."
"Nice to meet you Blablabla!"I shaked her hand which looked like a bear's claw.
"So what do you do James!"
"I sell cocaine."Then I started to regret saying that joke because although she was shocked at the beginning,she seemed to be very happy afterwards. I thought this bear probably wanted to buy some for itself.Who knows?they are hookers.So I have to stop this from going further:
"I am just kidding."Then she was apparently disappointed,but soon she started to try to persuade me to buy her a drink. But I knew if I fed a female bear right next to me with alcohol,then probably she would eat me alive. No way!

So I started to play dead:Staring at the floor and rapidly shaking my hands and head like a wrecko.This worked!The bear got astonished and left me immediately and headed to 3 old fellows on the other side of the room. The blonde one left Z too.I did not know what it told Z but Z seemed to be traumatized and did not speak much after we left that den.

However the next performer on the table was quite good. She was GORGEOUS.Music changed to Jazz and Blues from hard beat Rock. And this lady was really good at dancing.
There was little light in the room and we did not sit so close to the table as others.(since we were afraid to see the body details of the dancing cow),so we could not see everything but it was enough to appreciate her beauty. She was tall and slim,wearing a cowboy hat and that was pretty much all she had on her. She had very big green eyes,although she did not smile much but I can still feel the seduction from the eye contact with her.Her body was perfect,especially her long legs:gleaming with silver luster,almost like made from marble.Their every movement could take away the breath of any man.

But it was too short and that was all I can remember. We expected to see her again but it turned out to be daydream.The next was an Asian girl.She was not that bad but I had no interest at all and began to look around this place while sipping my drink. It was not very spacious.Right next to the table was the bar and the beautiful dancer was sitting there smoking. She looked very tired but still tempting. Behind her was a vaulted passage leading to the darkness deep inside this club:I thought that was where the private dance took place.
This image was very beautiful and almost surreal.I think I will remember this for a while.

A group of Hispanic people were sitting at the table next to ours:2 men and a gal.She turned out to be the next dancer.Her face looked OK and her body was not so out of shape.But after she took off her clothes....No breat at all. It was so flat that people probably could play Pingpong on her chest. And she was flirting with those 2 guys while she she was dancing. Suddenly a drunk half naked old man tried to hold her left foot but she was not annoyed at all. She bended over and spoke with him for a while. Soon the old man let her go and was obviously very embarrassed. Those 2 spanish guys started to laugh loudly and I guessed she probably told the old fella:"If you give me 20 bucks, I would show my vagina to you."

After all, the bear who harrassed me appeared on the table.How did they train this animal to do stuff like that.Amazing,isnt it?I was so disgusted and almost puked my guts out.Could not stand it anymore so Z and I left without looking back. Afther we got outside,I swa the beautiful dancer was talking to the funny old man at the door way. She was wearing only a laced white bra and incredibly short miniskirt. She had heavy makeup on her face and the dark valvet eye shadow made her look so pale and unhealthy but beautiful in a strange way.

"You are a wonderful dancer."I told her when we were passing them by. She smiled for the first time and it was so mesmerizing that I forgot all the ugly stuff going on inside the club. That was the "fleur du mel", full of sin but pretty like a fallen angel.
 

Woman is always a mystery for us?When we are young,usually we want to stay away from them. You play with the girls?! Shame on you. We thought they are weaker, we thought we are more intelligent and calmer than them. In a word,Girls are losers, and boys rule the world.
After puberty, everything would have been changed. We really dont want to bring up things about girls between each others. We no longer dispise them,in fact, some of them becomes our secret idols. Sex is definitely the dominating factor in our conversion.But is that the answer?Is that the only truth behind all the stories as Freud suggested. I seriously doubt that.Although we are a kind of animals,we are not beasts. On one hand,I dont believe that sex drive is strong enough to force us to do the crazy stuff we have done in the name of love,On the other hand, sex drive wont bond us with partner for so long and so intensely.
However,if sex is not the only reason,what else could it be? Let's first look at the opposite,so to speak,when you are all alone. Then life is packed with boring stuff: Work and House work. Even something supposed to be fun sucks when you are all by yourself. You dont go out too much when you are single.Why? Because most of the interesting places are for couples. Of course you can go to bars and get drunk with your mates. But you can not do this everyday,otherwise getting alcoholic cirrhosis is just a matter of time.Evenif one doesnt care, and do this everyday, I still think in his subconsciousness,he goes to clubs not simply for a taste of alcohol but for something more emotional or intellectual.Maybe we just want to get rid of loneliness. That seems to be an inteseting answer. Yes, without companion, loneliness will suck you in like a blackhole. We want to escape.
According to Erich Fromm's theory, however, it is not the "loneliness"that we try to escape from. On the contrary,as he wrote in his book Escape from Freedom (1941),we,the humans, are afraid of our freedoms nowadays. Usually we dont really know how to deal with ourselves,so to speak. Theoretically speaking, freedom is good,is a necessity and you can do whatever you want in your "free" time. Then why do we fear it? Because that is only "theoretical".In fact, our economical condition,our job,our social status etc,confine us to very few choices for our sparetime if we really have any.Then it is hard.Keeping on doing anyting repeatedly will bore us very fast,no matter how fun it used to be.Some hobbies may take a lot of time,and usually the stress of our work does not allow that. When we get back from work, we just want to have a rest, relax. But imagin you are a single guy living in a big city, after work,when you arrive home and find yourself all alone in your apartment,that is not really pleasant, I doubt one can really enjoy this and relax.
So,that is the answer! to escape from our loneliness,or freedom.Really?But logically speaking,loneliness is the effect when one is without companion,not necessarily the reason why we fall in love and why we stay in love with our girlfriends or wives.Freedom sometimes is loathesome,sometimes,however,is pleasant and badly wanted. Besides,when you are with someone, you need to consider more and worry about not only yourself but your otherhalf. The cost is very high if you only want to get rid of loneliness.And if fear of lonliness is your only concern,you usually end up with someone not really suitable for you.You two may hang out for a while but sooner or latter,breaking up is inevitable.Then
Solitude will swallow you again and what is even worse is the regret binded with you.
I also think that a man should know how to deal with his freedom. Loneliness is negative but it also gives one a chance to perfect himself in other fields like sports or science or other more earthly things like making money or pursuing fame. Loneliness is really not an excuse to hang out with some girls you dont really like. That is just a waste of time.
So to escape from loneliness is not sufficient as the answer,but it is an answer,for most of us,a very good answer. But for me,even though it is very close to the right one,it is not the right one. In my opinion, Sharing our lives is the main drive for love,and it is the healthiest reason among all others.First of all,one has to have something to share with,not simply materials or resourses,but for example,a warm heart,a sense of humor,and curiosity for the world,so this gives us a reason to perfect ourselves balancedly. Secondly,the "screening" process of finding someone to share your lives with will guarantee that you are with the right one:she must be interesting too and you two must be compatible to each other,physically and phychologically.
Sharing does not conflict with other reasons as well,in fact it is a solution for most of our desires and fears: we wont be sexually depressed and regular sex is very good for one's health too,To be with someone we really love protect us from getting invovled with some risky activities and bad habbits,and free us from the stress of everyday life. Some former boring stuffs suddenly becomes interesting. Traveling,used to be boring and only for business,but with your partner, you will have the heart to appreciate the world and enjoy the ordinary life of a ordinary guy. Isnt that wonderful?

 

Very lazy boring Saturday afternoon.

At a cafe called "Plaza"(Weird name,huh?),Steve and me are enjoying the life of doing nothing.

After wandering the down town area for several hours,aesthetic fatigue really hits us. Compared to those in the American countrysides, european women are more elegant. They really know what to wear and how to walk,how to smile and how to show their unique beauty and style. This summer, dress and skirt seem to be very popular,at least here in Bielefeld. Maybe after several weeks of bad weather, ladies finally find theirselves a chance to try on the dress they have prepared for summer long time ago. Since right now it is just the beginning of new round of good weather, you can see that they are still a little bit shy to show their body to the passers-by. Here Black is the most popular color. Even young woman prefers to wear silk black shirt with low cut jeans,or simply black T-shirt with bright color shorts. The dark colour does not make them approachable,or too imposing.In fact it really balances well with their blonde hair and white silky skin. It doesnt stiffen their looks but adds a bit intellegence to their otherwise too feminine appearances.

But tired as we are, we decide to leave the crowded shopping area and the people behind and find ourselves some drinks. Kolsch is my choice for today, which is supposed to be the right one for such a hot afternoon. Traditional 0.2L long glass can really show you the texture of this special golden drink. After the crazy party at Mark's place:Tequila,Vodka,countless number of beers and cigarettes, I do need this to smoothe my hangover.

After a week of work,reading and writing mathematics, we really want to get away from it for a while,but we cant. That's the curse on Math guys. I met some at Mark's place, they were either one of the "Fakultat fur Mathematik",or some used-to-be math betrayers. We kept on talking about mathematics in the party that it really annoyed the ladies who just wanted to have some casual talk. But for us, this is casual: we dont want to prove a theorem in the talk,maybe we are just too lonely for too lone in our study that we need to talk about it to someone who knows the pain of us and who is one of us. We also want to brag and comdem the politics in the academia. We hate it as we claim we do, but in fact we are also one part of it. C'est la vie.

But Steve and I are talking about how to do research. I dont remember who brought that up. Probably me since I decide to move on to a new field,i.e. Dirichlet Form after the present project and I start to talk about the book professor. R gave us. His own book,not a big one,but very well written, What I like most about it is the figures and graphs in the book. Of course not some of the naked women,but graphs to help you master the structure of the knowledge. Researching in Mathematics used to be a mystery for me but after almost a year of doing my own part in the project, I think I finally come up with some idea about research.

Apparently I am not the genius, but as professor R said, hard working guys are also respectable. I share with Steve about the methodology I figured out and unsurprisingly he is in the same stage.Although we are both not very optimistic about our future in academia, I think it is worth the effort to devote yourself into theoretical mathematics for a while,and make your own contribution.It is not only about writing papers but a way of thinking and training of logic and reasoning,also a training of your mind to really concentrate for a long time. No matter what you do for a living, you need this skills to survive and excel.

 

I used to be very afraid of mistakes,but not any more now.

Just think about this world. Do you really think you can plan everything so well that no mistakes will occur later?It is a mission impossible. I hate mistakes, I really do,and I have tried to avoid them.The strategy was to keep yourself away from the sourses of mistakes:alcohol,girls etc. But it wont work. I have tied,It wont work. Pure solitude can only make you a jackass but not necessarity free youself from your sins.

Maybe we should just use "trial and error". Try it, taste it,swallow it and then you can say that you really understand it. Otherwise you are always not sure and the uncertainty is the real killer. The point is DONT LOOK BACK and NO GUILT IN YOUR HEART. Even if you had done something really bad. Just remember, we are learning and mistakes, our own mistakes, are our best teachers. They are not liabilities at all, if you use them in the right way, they are the most precious assets in your "portfolio".

But we do need time to digest the lessons we have learned from our mistakes.It is not a easy thing. You have to confront your past to really realize that it was a MISTAKE. In economics there is a term called "sunk cost". It means that some loss you have already suffered from but it should not affect your judgement for the future. This usually is the hardest. Becasue to confront our past is like confronting your self since Our egos are founded on our past. But if you can really solve this problem, your life will become much better.

When is the end of this "trial and error"? I suppose at fifties we should stop and stick to our own learned principles. Just like in confucianism,5o is the age at which you can do whatever you want which is still acceptable acoording to the moral or social standards of our world. This is really good news for me because I have another good 25 years ahead to work to this level. Hopefully I can survive the process of learning  and really reach this wonderful state of mind. May god bless me!

After several hours of hiking in a rainy forest, James and I got really hungry. So we headed back. James was driving one of his father's car: A Mercedes-Benz manual hatchback. Very cute car,looks like a transformer. BTW, I have never seen any M-B car like this in both the U.S. and China. Probably Germans keep the good stuffs only for themselves. In fact Mercedes is not very expensive in Germany at all. Around 15000 euros you can buy a very decent one here in Germany. Their best car(also the most expensive) is Porsche.

Anyway, Food first. To satiate my curiosity, James took me to a well-hidden restaurant called"Paulaner" in the downtown area(city center so to speak). From outside you could never guess that it was a restaurant if you know little German, it looked like a flower shop instead. But once you got in, you would be surprised to see this cozy little place. A little dard but they put candles on every table, make you feel very comfortable and at ease.Also on the table there are fruit basket and even a bottle of white wine. The walls are decorated in home style. You can see some painting about holiday carnival in ancient southern Germany:you can see a group of people,usually short and a little overweight, dressed in ridiculus suites or dresses marching happily,their faces are red,even women look drunk somehow.

But they did have a very big bar. Several group of people are drinking there. I noticed that except for one family maybe celebrating something, other guests were all old fellows.

"Dont worry dude, when people get old, they use food to replace sex. So this is another proof that we come to the right one."

Very well explained indeed.

However,no matter how good the food was, the service there was really slow. Because they had only one waitress,then the owner himself. I guess they are family, because no beautiful girl like her would want to work in such a boring restaurant. After half an hour, the beer finally came. It was huge....One litre "Munchner Helles",dont be afraid of the word,in fact "Hell" just means bright or light beer in German.The counterpart is "Dunkel",dark I suppose.

But the glass was too big,Like a pitcher in a U.S. bar,I bet you could share with another 3 guys with this "pitcher" for a round of drinking. However larger quantity does not necessarily means poor quality. This beer was very tasty,"melty" should be the best description for it.

James voulenteered to order for us. I have to say he has done a very good job. All meat,no grass, perfect!The appetizers are"Paar Weisswurs"and"Obstlerplatte". "Paar Weissurs" ,as James told me, is supposed to be had for breakfast,since it is very traditional so he just ordered it to let me try. From the style you can see that this dish is definitely not for diner. In one middle sized bowl there were 2 white sausages floating in hot water,with a little grounded pasley spattered on the surface. It came with a small plate of  homemade mustard. Looks ordinary but surprisingly tasty. "Obstlerplatte",literally means bread and plate in German,and in fact it was a basket of newly baked bread and a feast of meat. "That's what we call appetizer in Germany."James laughed proudly. He should. On the plate you can find salami, ham,cheese, at leat 3 kinds of German sausages tasted totally differently from eachother.What impressed me the most was the so called "Leberwurst","wurst" means sausage,but "leber" I think it means liver since it is a mixture of lever of pig and pork. A little bit fatty but you are not supposed to eat it alone. Following the instruction from James, I spreaded a thick layer of "leberwurst" on the bread,then it really blowed me away,superb!!You can smell no odor of meat at all,just the "fragrance".I have to besides chocolate,this is the new indulgement for me. 

After the "appetizer",I was almost full,but still I had half of the "Helles" in the "pitcher",and also,the main entree,the splendid "Scheib. Spanferk":Boilded potato balls, 3 pieces of pork with gravy,and a pile of some vegetable. The catch for this plate was not the meat but the vege. James told me it was a kind of cabbage cooked with apple juice. It tasted exactly like preserved plum. If all the vegetables tasted like this one,then I would not hate them at all.

What a meal. After that we could barely move any move, so we stayed there for 20 minutes smoking. We didnt speak too much because we were trying our best to digest the food. Pathetic!